TITLE: The Once and Future
FANDOM: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
SPOILERS: Everything from the first season.
DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Don't know who does.
CHARACTERS: John Connor, Cameron
SUMMARY: Even to himself, he's nothing more than a means
to an end.
There are many horrible realizations John has had to face in his sixteen
short years (he doesn’t count the years they skipped). Because of his illustrious
history with harsh realities, he especially hates that he was shocked. He
hates that he didn’t expect it. When will it stop? When will the fiery pain
of these revelations cauterize his insides so thoroughly that this stuff
He thought the worst realization was about his mom. He thought his epiphanies
concerning Sarah Connor were enough to strip away all his illusions. After
all, what could be worse? For so long, he hated her. He thought she was crazy.
He blamed her for making him weird and broken and dysfunctional. Once he
was in foster care, in the court ordered counseling sessions, they made him
feel like a freak. Didn’t he know that’s not how mothers were supposed to
act? Didn’t he know she fucked him up beyond salvage?
And then the Uncle Bob arrived and John was forced to admit Sarah hadn’t
been wrong. She was right. And no one believed her. Not even him. Not even
her own son, for whom she sacrificed so much. Then followed her rant in the
car about how he should have left her to possibly die rather than risk his
own safety. No matter what he did, he could never get it right.
But later, after both terminators were gone, he thought they were finding
an equilibrium. Sarah …softened. She really tried to be a mom, bad
cooking and all. She loved him, John knew that without a doubt. She would
do anything to protect him – he believed that to the very depths of his soul.
But Sarah could never be just his mom.
Because he could never be just her son.
He was always destined to be so much more.
Cameron says she was sent back to protect him. And maybe she believes that.
More unlikely still is that it’s actually true. Yes, she’s his protector.
But he knows the truth now. She wasn’t sent here to protect him.
This isn’t about him.
It’s about her.
The more John thinks about it, the more he finds it incredibly insidious
of his future self. But necessary - he can't deny that it's necessary. And
who better to know exactly what to send John than his future self? Even to
himself, he's nothing more than a means to an end. How could he hold that
Cameron is beautiful. He wouldn't dream of denying that. And he's a sixteen
year old boy. It's not like he can just ignore the way she looks. But it's
so much more than that. She absolutely fascinates him on so many levels,
even when she repulses him. The weird physical attraction is there – and
Cameron does everything to foster it – he's not sure why. But he is so enthralled
with her mind, her processes and procedures and even her emotions. The absolute
grace of her architecture makes him want to weep.
Cameron is the most advanced computer in the world, a truly sentient artificial
intelligence. He loves to talk to her, to try and understand the rules that
govern her behavior, to try and understand how it is that she tries to understand
The more time he spends with her, the more he's afraid he might be falling
in love with her. Not just her physical form, but all of her, her machine
And that's when it hits him. That's why his future self sent Cameron. He's
supposed to fall in love with her. He's supposed to fall in love with
every bit, every byte of her. Because that's how he'll come to truly know
And in twenty years, he'll look deep into the eyes of his beloved.
And he'll exterminate her entire race.
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